Five Words to Avoid on Your College Admissions Essay

Benjamin P. Stern

College admissions officers are a busy bunch. They read thousands of essays and tend to see the same things over and over again. Communicating effectively requires using the right words, but it's important to remember that your essay is being read in the context of thousands of others. If you use the following words, your essay is more likely to "blend in" and be less memorable.

1. DETERMINED/DETERMINATION

Example 1: I am determined to become a lawyer.

Why you should avoid: Even if some people enter college resolute on a particular plan, plans often change. Admissions officers know this. In fact, they may be hoping your plans change. Instead of being “determined” to do something in particular, demonstrate that you’re interested in a particular field but are willing to explore other possibilities.

Suggestion: “I plan to take classes to prepare for law school and pursue experiences in a professional legal environment.”

Example 2: I am determined to succeed.

Why you should avoid: This is cliché. It should be a given that you’re determined to succeed; if you are not, then you have issues that should be addressed by a professional—and you certainly should not write that in an essay!

Suggestion: Don’t say this at all. Instead, let your previous success speak for itself.

2. PASSION/PASSIONATE

Example: I am passionate about social justice.

Why you should avoid: "Passion" isn’t bad in itself, but almost everyone uses it at least once in their essays. Distinguish yourself and avoid falling into the "passion trap" by using other words. 

Suggestion: Depending on context, use Predilection, prioritize, inclined toward, or drawn to.

3. MOTIVATE/MOTIVATED 

Examples: 

My experience volunteering at the homeless shelter motivated me to attend town hall meetings. 

I feel motivated to study harder.

Meeting Michael Jordan motivated my decision to play basketball.

Why you should avoid: This is another one everybody uses. Its meaning is simple, but using it is insidious: although "motivated" is an active verb, its use is almost always passive—if something is motivating you, you’re the one being acted on. 

Suggestion: You want to shift the focus from the “motivation” to the actual action. Use a simpler verb to make the connection. Try:

My experience volunteering at the homeless shelter led me to attend town hall meetings. 

The motivation is implicit.

Instead of “motivated my decision,” use “informed my decision.” This use of “informed” is common in academic settings and makes you sound more sophisticated.

4. UNIQUE

Example: After my trip to Ghana, I had a unique point of view.

Why to avoid: You may think your experiences or personality are unique, and in some sense you’re right—but for the purposes of college admissions, you’re probably wrong. Admissions staff see thousands of applications ever year. If your experience is truly unique, it will speak for itself. And if your personality is unique, it will come through on the page.

5. WELL-ROUNDED

Example: I am a well-rounded student.

Why to avoid: First off, according to generally accepted grammar rules, there should not be a hyphen in “well rounded.” “Well” is an adverb, so there is no confusion as to what it is modifying and a hyphen is not needed. But more importantly, the phrase is trite. Colleges may say they’re looking for “well rounded” students, but this is an example of a situation where you should “show” and not “tell.” Talk about a variety of skills and experiences instead of describing yourself as “well rounded.”

Benjamin P. Stern is a graduate of Columbia University and Yale Law School. He is the founder and CEO of IvyAchievement, a college and graduate school admissions consulting service.